Good morning! We love to start our newsletters with uplifting information. Unfortunately, this morning that’s a challenge.
I was on call last night and we have some difficult news to share.
Many of you will find in this morning’s papers that SpongeBob, lead actor from the hit series, SpongeBob SquarePants, was admitted late last night/early this morning with chest discomfort. SpongeBob was found to have something called a non-ST elevation MI (heart attack). This is somewhat shocking to those who have followed the show on The Nickelodeon Network. Many would have pegged Patrick, his onscreen starfish sidekick, as the more likely candidate for heart disease.
Nonetheless, when a celebrity develops a cardiac problem, it’s natural to see widespread concern. There’s typically concern for the patient and their family as well as anxiety towards one’s health.
With SpongeBob’s universal popularity, we anticipate many questions to surface regarding his risk factors for atherosclerosis.
The forthcoming thoughts are strictly those of Walk with a Doc and do not represent the position of any other medical associations.
*While in every other circumstance, we cannot disclose detailed patient information; this is a unique situation and HIPAA does not apply to sponges.
We anticipate that the media focus will be on SpongeBob’s lack of risk factors later today. Admittedly, there are few. He is a (1) non-smoker, (2) relatively young (we think), (3) he has no family history (4) he’s non-sedentary (5) normotensive (blood pressure has been running 120/80 or less), and (6) he is a fictitious cartoon character.
That understood; while Bob is not “sedentary”, he rarely exercises. Although we’ve all seen him cover hundreds of yards in a split second, the heart likes continuous activity for preferably 30-60 mins/day- with a target of 150 minutes a week. Sponge is now aware of that and we anticipate a change for the better.
SpongeBob’s total cholesterol was 874 (LDL 621, HDL 13, triglycerides 960). Up until now, food from the Krusty Krab, his place of employment, has constituted the majority of his diet. Look, I get it. He is single and rarely spends time cooking for himself. In addition, his salary of one dime a year at the Krab adds an obstacle (Here are some tips for healthy eating on a budget). As I shared with Sponge this morning, we will be targeting an LDL less than 70 and an HDL greater than 40 (preferably >60), and a massive drop in his triglycerides (<150).
He is diabetic but wears an insulin pump (well hidden under his square pants during filming). This has helped keep his blood sugars under meticulous control (his hemoglobin A1C was 5.6%).
Regular viewers are well aware that SpongeBob had difficulty, at times, handling stress. This will be addressed at Cardiac Rehab, an essential part of Sponge’s recovery process.
On a personal note, we have been impressed by the incredible support shown by his hometown, Bikini Bottom, and the cartoon community. Our team has already updated Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and Sandy (the squirrel). Security will be tight as we anticipate his close friends Swiper, Bart S., and Aquaman will be stopping by the hospital this afternoon.
SpongeBob has made only one request. He would like you to attend a Walk with a Doc near you this weekend (please see www.walkwithadoc.org for all sites and times). If you have any questions regarding this weekend’s walks, please forward them to contact@walkwithadoc.org, as I will be at Sponge’s bedside.
Please keep your spirits high. SpongeBob’s a fighter and we’re confident he’s going to pull through this.
david
Disclaimer: The SpongeBob referred to in this morning’s newsletter is a fictitious cartoon character.
