Good morning! A lot of people are talking about Monday’s eclipse and look, I get it. Perfect topic for a newsletter right? Well I googled ‘eclipse health benefits’ – none. That understood, the WNSC (Walk Newsletter Screening Committee) came to the conclusion, after our standingThursday 9:30 meeting, that we wanted to get away from the typical Friday am lunacy.

We wanted to return to placing our focus and energies on something new with health benefits. Plenty of Keurig pods and Kind bars later, we decided on the newest craze, male crochet shorts. While we were unable to unearth any health benefits from our web search, as a physician, 10 obvious benefits came to mind immediately.

1.    As a porous fabric, crochet will allow more sunlight into the pelvic region than a traditional short, naturally increasing Vitamin D levels.

2.     I don’t mean to get dirty in the newsletter, but they are obviously a sexy product. They will automatically increase the attractiveness of those wearing them. That translates into higher self-esteem which has a million downstream benefits.

3.    The increase in flexibility of the fabric creates natural air pockets that cushion the walker giving an innate sense of comfort, flexibility and freedom.

4.    Their openness allows blood to flow more freely through the vessels as it either returns to the heart in venous form or goes to the lower extremities in arterial form. As a cardiologist, this is critically important to me.

5.    You can see above, many of the crochet shorts are beautifully vibrant in color. As we discussed several weeks ago, circumstantial evidence supports this as a very successful method of preventing shark attacks.

6.    At some walks, I’ve seen bike shorts so tight, SO TIGHT, that I’m wondering if they could be even strangling off the prostate. While this is not in my field, it would give my urology colleagues nightmares. Not so with crochet shorts. Not at all. That prostate is happy as a clam at high water.

7.    While crochet shorts should be worn by men, let’s be honest, the overwhelming majority of the time, they’re made by women. In a detailed survey released by the Craft Yarn Council, knitters and crocheters experienced:

•  Feeling of accomplishment (93%)

•  Reduced Stress (85%)

•  Improved Mood (68%)

– Sense of confidence (56%)

You’re welcome.

8.  Accidents happen. Many of our walk leaders around the country provide ice water and hot coffee. When you are wearing your crochet shorts, this may surprise some of you, there’s not a lot of protection there. This accidental cryotherapy will carry the same benefits as intentional cold water immersion: it will promote localized vasoconstriction resulting in increased tolerance to stress and disease and may also help boost your fat-burning abilities by activating your brown fat.

I’m not saying it’s going to be pleasant, but it will be ‘healthy’.

Now on the flip side, if someone spills hot coffee on your crochets, you are out of luck in a hurry. It will be very likely you will have wished you wore jeans.

9.    Speaking of jeans, many men have confided (HIPAA) in me that they’re embarrassed to wear shorts to a WWAD. Varicose veins, cellulite, hairy legs are a few reasons.

Not anymore with these beauties. Knowing you are performing at the top of your game with these shorts gives an increased confidence and self esteem that will wipe away those concerns. This leaves the legs more free and open to enjoy, yes, the increased Vitamin D but also decrease our body temp allowing one to walk further therefore enabling all the other miraculous benefits of exercise.

10. *Caution* Many of sites around the week will be having their walk this week during the eclipse (they won’t). You are aware the eclipse is famous for burning your iris/retina and you require special glasses, the yarn has NO special refractive properties and we recommend you do NOT wear them Monday at your walk.

Finally, their were internal concerns from our team a plenty regarding photo copyright infringement, so they insisted all the pictures be taken ‘in house’.

Welcome to the Family