Good morning! Hope this finds you well. We need to quickly apologize for the serious nature of this week’s newsletter and explain the new policy. On April 2nd (this year) we rolled out a music pilot study at 24 of our sites. We’re evaluating (1) number of steps taken, (2) resting blood pressures and (3) number of bananas consumed. 8 sites have EDM (electronic dance music) playlists; 8 sites have 80’s pop and for our control group, 8 are ‘Silent’. This past Saturday in Providence, there was a shoving match between 1st year Internal Medicine resident Jim LaFue and Myrtle Kopirna, 87. Unfortunately, this was witnessed by over 60 of the walkers in attendance. We spoke this week with both Jim and Myrtle and the eyewitness accounts corroborate with their recounts. This Providence chapter, our only Rhode Island site, was included in the pilot and had randomized to ‘Silent’. We found out Monday, this did not sit well with Dr. LaFue. Apparently early last month, he started dating a 1st year peds resident (Amanda Klemens). Jim had invited Amanda this past Saturday and had made his own special playlist that included Bruno Mars new song, Versace on the Floor. One of the outcomes of our emergent board meeting is that several members feel Jim must be ready to take their relationship to the next level. If you haven’t heard it, the song is NSFW. Stuff that we are not allowed to include in a national newsletter. Anyway, around 8:25 am EST last Saturday (10th), Myrtle was in a conversation across the pavilion with her friend, Mike, when she heard something unsettling. She stopped mid-conversation and put her index finger to her lips. She turned in the direction of the music, stared, and many witnesses believe she was looking for a “DJ or something”. Jim happened standing over the boombox increasing the volume at the time. All the walkers we talked to that were attendance shared a similar story. Myrtle had listened peripherally for 30-60 seconds before approaching Jim. She first asked, “What is THAT?” Jim did not answer, but smiled sheepishly in the direction of Amanda and her friends. “That’s baby-makin music! That’s what that is!” She then started to approach the young doctor and raised her own volume,

“I did not come to NO WALK to listen to BABY MAKIN’ MUSIC!”

That’s when it got physical. We will spare the details of what happened to Jim in the altercation, but we do have a strict roll down. Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Bylaw 37(a)(1t). You did this to yourselves. Effective Immediately  Every playlist that includes (1) any music released from Bruno Mars, Samantha Fox, Montell Jordan, Madonna or anything that could be described or construed as a (2) “downtempo jam” will need to be improved by Walk with a Doc World HQ’s Jessica Oliver, our new VP of Music Safety and Readiness. Congratulations Jessica, you can thank Jim for your new role. I’m sorry to start and end that way. If running a walk was all wine and roses, everyone would be doing it.