Good morning! Tuesday night is Spaghetti Night at the Lodge and I’m now aware that I had too much garlic with dinner. What followed was a diaphoretic (sweaty) nightmare in which my dinghy was being attacked by pirates. My internal questioning of why someone would attack a small craft with Dora the Explorer painted on the side was never answered. These were not modern day pirates, these were Outer Banks, skull and crossbones pirates from the 1700’s (their stench made my eyes water) Well, if anyone knows anything about pirates, they know they like to be around other pirates.   Are we serious about this? Let me put it this way. This newsletter is now in the inbox of 16,658 very busy people, a quarter of them physicians. This is The following changes will be immediately applicable to ALL Walk with a Doc events starting tomorrow. David, calm down – it’s just a dream you say. Well, my response to that is I’ve been blessed to have many dreams come true: my smokin’ hot wife, Walk with a Doc, unlimited access to low fat large curd cottage cheese, etc. Back to the original point, there is no doubt that it won’t be long until I’m face to face with Blackbeard or his buddy. When they choose to attack, I imagine they will do it by land (I live in Ohio). I hate to induce fear, but I think it is likely (read: probable) the pirates will pick a Saturday morning to make a statement – yes, that means at Walk with a Doc. If the pirates happen to pick a different walk, we want all our chapters to be aware. So, understanding that pirates like to be around other pirates and in surroundings that are not foreign to them, we expect our leaders to enact the following changes for tomorrow’s (or your next upcoming) Walk with a Doc.

• 1.We ask all of our sites to replace water with rum. Please go with Captain Morgan’s or Kraken to be safe – they prefer Captain Morgan’s though.
• 2.No one, starting now, is to bathe (i.e. shower, traditional bath or sponge bath). Pirates are traditionally ripe and we don’t want anyone spelling like Irish Spring to raise suspicion and put everyone else at risk.
• 3.Please remove ALL planks from all WWAD events. We expect them to be mollified, but we don’t want to give them any ideas.
• 4. We are asking everyone to bring their Neotropical parrot to the walk. If, for some reason, you do not have a Neotropical parrot – bring your Afrotropical parrot. Hopefully, they won’t notice.
• 5.Eyepatch – also mandatory. Yes. No questions on this one.
• 6.While most  of our chapters have Bieber as backdrop music, moving forward this will be “Fifteen Men on the Dead Man’s Chest“
• 7.I don’t want anyone trying to be cute and wearing their Pittsburgh Pirates or Tampa Bay Buccaneer jersey– they can sniff that out from miles away. You are not fooling anyone – trust me.
• 8.Please start most, if not all, sentences with ‘AY-ay matey’.  If something surprises or impresses you, do not say, “Wow that’s amazing”. Say, “Shiver me timbers.”
• 9.It goes without saying, every site should be flying a Skull and Crossbones flag. A real one, not one that you buy at a store.

9. No one, I repeat no one, is to say the word “treasure” or anything that could be misconstrued as that word. Again, they’re on that like white on rice and we’re all history. That said, we want you to try and relax and have fun tomorrow. Remember walking is fun and so good for you.
I am aware that I’m likely coming across more direct that other Friday newsletters, that’s bc, this week, there are lives at stake.
Sincerely, Rachael

Just kidding…
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish! David