Good morning! Some of you have asked why there was no newsletter last week; I was grounded.Here’s the short story on why.I love chickens, always have.We do not live in a rural area, so I kind of gave up on this lifelong dream. This quest of having a bunch of chickens running around the house acting all cute and chicken-y. I hate giving up on a dream.None of the neighbors have them. They all have dogs, as do we. I love dogs.As a matter of fact, a few months back we got a puppy to complement our 6-year-old dog. I was too cheap to get the electric fence the first go around. We went with a long leash attached to a stake in the ground. Krissy, my wife, said we weren’t doing that again. So now, both dogs are operating within that expensive electric fence with their expensive new dog collars around our little yard. So it goes.The other day some friends had us out to their place. Lo and behold – they have 20-30 variously colored/patterned chickens all running around making dozens of eggs.Jealous wouldn’t even begin to describe my emotions that night. I was a mess.“David, this is ridiculous. You haven’t spoken to me or the kids all night”. THAT level of jealousy.The next couple of days were rough, and then…do you ever have those aha! moments when you’re waking up?Krissy and Charlie were still asleep 2 Saturdays ago when I got up before our WWAD and drove to a weathered white house adjacent to a more weathered red barn 6 miles down a winding, country road. Every time we bike past their chicken sign I feel warm inside.Finally.Rap, rap, rap with the Ohio State knocker on their metal front door. I had to wait several minutes and knock again to finally get an answer.“GOOD MORNING SIR!! I would like to buy 2 chickens!”“Boy! (adjusts overalls) What in THE **** are you waking me and the Mrs. up for at this hour? Do you have any idea what time it is?”The roosters apparently were also awoken.Wow, they’re loud.I had to raise my voice louder so he could hear.“Sir, I know sir! But there are times in our lives where we have to just go after what we want. And now sir, now is one of those times. I need your help!”“Boy! It is 3:45 in the morning! I will count to 10 before I go for my shotgun. One…two…three…”He apparently didn’t care to sell chickens as much as his sign conveyed.I scrambled back to my Jeep and took off. Dust and rocks flying behind my rear wheels as I spun out of his gravel driveway back unto the main road.“Susan, this is a medical newsletter, right?”About 3 miles closer to home, as luck would have it, 2 chickens were crossing the road. Get it?  They weren’t wearing collars so I rounded ’em up and threw ’em in the back of my Wrangler.They did not appreciate that. At all.Aren’t they beautiful (see up top)? I’m guessing by everything that transpired, it was their first car ride.When I returned home, Krissy was still asleep and both standard poodles were now in my spot on the bed. I gently eased off their electric collars so as to not wake them. I headed back out to the garage, where I was letting the chickens blow off a little steam.They seemed like they still needed even more space. So, after I proceeded to finally get their new collars on, I opened our garage door.Big mistake.While I was working hard to build 2 nests for my brand new chickens (I have chickens!!!), 3 things were rapidly becoming blatantly obvious.(1) The boundaries of our freshly mowed yard, though small, were new to the chickens and they were having some immediate trouble identifying the borders.(2) This was likely the first time they were wearing electric collars – they did not like them.(3) The setting of a collar for a 45 lb standard poodle is not the appropriate setting for a chicken.Between the chickens making their normal noises, the noises they made hitting the fence, and the neighbors screaming “It sounds like there are chickens outside!” – honestly, it was a mess.Then Krissy came downstairs (really cute in her Winnie the Pooh flannels, but angry. Actually, quite angry),“DAVID, WHAT THE HE** IS GOING ON OUT HERE! DO YOU KNOW IT’S 4:45 AM!!”With all the commotion, my poor wife forgot and left the front door wide open. Our dogs, light sleepers, came bolting out the front door, not even breaking stride. Their eyes were focused on my new chickens (I was a little surprised because I thought poodles were bred more to hunt waterfowl).As I had recently removed their collars, they no longer heard the beep nor felt restrained by the fence (like the chickens). Not unlike highly trained synchronized swimmers, they both took running leaps at my birds. As they tackled the birds, their momentum carried them over the electric fence. While it stunned the chickens for 50-60 seconds (felt like a lifetime), it also broke them free of the fence.Despite all the neighbors’ lights now being on, it was still extremely dark – not a good setting to find a couple of angry birds with expensive collars.With the help of some treats, I was able to eventually retrieve the dogs, but I cannot say the same for the chickens and their collars, I mean the dogs’ collars.Wait a minute, did you ask why I was grounded or why I didn’t write the newsletter?david
“Susie, if I hit this Unsubscribe at the bottom will it work or just sign me up for more stupid lists?” |
