Good morning! I wish the following story was false, unfortunately it is very true.
The other day I was getting a lot of ‘Limp with a Doc’ comments. After running in Florida with friends, I lost a few toenails. I didn’t complain because (a) one of my wife’s friends ran all week with serious knee inflammation that didn’t allow her to bend her leg (b) my wife is tougher than I am (e.g. delivering our 2nd child without an epidural (not her choice)).
Nonetheless, when we were reading in bed she asked what was wrong and if she could help. I declined and when she was rolling over, I think she giggled “toenails”. One more punch to the man card.
She falls asleep before the game starts. This leaves me staring at the ceiling wondering what I can do tomorrow that is really manly.
Chop some wood, do some metal work, maybe restore a ’67 Mustang. Those are my thoughts as I drift off.
You know that feeling when you start missing the announcers’ comments 3 minutes into the 2nd quarter? I hit the remote knowing I’d be asleep within 30 seconds.
A minute after the TV is off I feel a soft, cool breeze on my face.
Ahhh, Krissy feels bad. She must have been trying to blow in my ear and missed.
I’m still asleep, but I’m aware.
I hear some ever so gentle noises across the room and I think this mindfulness meditation
is starting to work. Yep, a little more soft motion in the distance and yup, there’s that sweet gentle wind once again.
I love my wife. I’m so lucky.
I open my eyes to gaze at my soulmate.
She’s two feet away, sound asleep, directed away from me in the fetal position.
Huh, that’s funny?
Out of the corner of my eye, there’s something dark, flapping around the room, in WIDE circles and it captures ALL MY ATTENTION.
Uh-huh. No, not me, NO, NOOOOOOO!!!!
“Oh No Krissy! WAKE UP, WAKE UP! There’s a BAT!! KRISSY IT’S A BAT!! KRISSSSYYY!!”
I popped up and crouched at the foot of the bed – both arms out as if I had just caught a wave.
That was about the last thing I remember.
Krissy later told me I stayed crouched at the end of the bed screaming for everyone to get down for quite a while. I do remember I couldn’t decide whether to make a break for it or duck. I knew I had 2 forty-pound poodles I had to get out of the room. They were just staring at me. Can dogs laugh?
She was doubled over howling. At this point, I figured Tough Girl was obviously comfortable taking care of herself.
That’s two punches to the card within 30 minutes!
I do remember these thoughts going through my head: Rabies, teeth, flying rat blocking the door, no leather gloves, fangs, guano, no tennis racket, rabies, disgusting, no towel, can’t catch, CAN’T CATCH!
I’ll spare you the rest of the saga. Honestly, it’s hard to go through, knowing I almost died that night.
Below, that’s our Jessica preparing to go rock climbing at Red Rock in Vegas.
Fun fact: The morning after the attack, I asked Jessica if she had ever come across a bat in her house.
“It’s the scariest thing you will ever see Jessica,” I interrupt her.
She patiently waits and replies, “Not in my house, but when I’m climbing at dusk, I constantly have to fight them off with my free hand.”
Can anyone teach me how to carve something out of wood?