NEW YORK— In times when markets are struggling, there’s one investment that remains steady and reliable, your health. While the stock market has had its ups and downs, Walk with a Doc (WWAD) continues to show strong returns in a sector that matters: our well-being.

Financial analysts are baffled by this trend, as WWAD has quickly become the hottest “stock” on the market, despite not being a publicly traded company. Warren Buffett was last seen power-walking through Omaha in an attempt to “buy in.”

The surge in WWAD’s value began when an anonymous insider (suspected to be a cardiologist with a warped sense of humor) leaked a groundbreaking report: Walking is, in fact, the single best thing we can do for our health. This revelation is a reminder that while the markets may fluctuate, investing in your own heart pays dividends you can feel right away.

“It turns out, if you invest in your health, the returns are literally life-changing,” said one excited participant, lacing up his walking shoes. “I sold my Dogecoin and put everything into walking. I haven’t checked my portfolio in days because I’m too busy logging steps. Ha! My goal is to go for 25 hours and 5 minutes straight!”

Financial giants are starting to take note. Goldman Sachs issued an emergency bulletin titled “Walking: The Bull Market on Your Own Two Feet.” Meanwhile, the Federal Reserve is rumored to be considering a rate cut to keep up with the positive impact walking has had on community well-being.

“Many people are saying… walking is the best thing you can do for your health!” said one politician (as he was driving away in his golf cart).

Even social media has gotten caught up in the movement. Influencers are abandoning luxury endorsements to promote “the next big thing” in wellness: going outside and taking a walk. TikTok videos under #WalkWithADocStocks have racked up millions of views, featuring traders power-walking around the New York Stock Exchange and hedge fund managers leading group walks in Central Park.

WWAD’s leadership team, while thrilled, remains grounded. “We appreciate the enthusiasm, but let’s be clear: our ‘stock’ of walking has always been high,” said a spokesperson, commenting on her walk in to work. “We’ve known for 20 years that investing in community health pays the best dividends.”

As Wall Street grapples with uncertainty, one thing is clear: when the market goes up and down, walking remains a constant. It turns out the best investment strategy has been right under our feet all along.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

-David

Disclaimer: Walk with a Doc is not an actual stock or tradable commodity. It is a non-profit. No one was interviewed for this article. No reports were leaked. There were no emergency bulletins. WB may have been power-walking but the author didn’t witness it.